The surprising reality of how teenage girls still define themselves
The surprising reality of how teenage girls still define themselves
At a youth club in Carmarthen, Wales, a bold felt-tip sign on the door declares “GIRLS ONLY” and adds a playful twist with “Boy’s don’t Enter!” and “Don’t worry boys!” The message, adorned with colorful hearts and stars, sets the tone for the gathering. As I enter, a dozen girls are already immersed in a lively card game, their laughter and chatter filling the room. A pizza order is placed, and the atmosphere is warm and engaging. This visit is part of a Radio 4 series exploring the lives of teenage girls, with interviews conducted with around 150 participants, predominantly aged between 13 and 17. The conversation at this table echoed the themes that emerged across the series.
The girls are sharp, witty, and full of energy, offering insights that are both uplifting and profound. They speak passionately about their aspirations, such as “I would like to have a fridge that you can have a vase in… and be a doctor!” Their loyalty to friends is unwavering, with one girl noting, “I can tell her anything.” They also express a deep awareness of family care, sharing, “I go to town to top up my Nan’s electric. I love looking after her.” The topics shift rapidly—from the card game to school dramas, teacher opinions, social media trends, and debates about whether there are enough Cheese Feast slices for everyone. The answer is always yes.
This project follows the author’s earlier series, “About The Boys,” which featured interviews with teenage males from across the UK. In the wake of the pandemic, the #MeToo movement, and the cultural impact of Andrew Tate, the author sought to understand how these changes shaped the perspectives of young girls. The girls proved to be thoughtful and articulate, with a surprising level of self-awareness. One theme repeatedly surfaced: the tendency for teenage girls to still define themselves through the lens of boys. When asked, “What is it really like to be a girl in 2025/26? Tell me the truth, don’t be polite!” their responses almost always began with, “Well boys think/say/want/feel…” This pattern felt like a real-life version of the Bechdel Test, which measures female representation in films by requiring two named women to discuss something other than a man.
Unspoken expectations and the pressure to conform
Despite their openness, the irony is that the girls described altering their behavior in the presence of boys. They spoke of not wanting to appear “too much,” “too loud,” or “weird” to boys, who are often seen as the standard against which they measure themselves. One girl explained, “They don’t want to be seen as a ‘pick me’ or a ‘beg’—someone looking for attention.” This mindset reflects a broader cultural pressure, where girls are taught to prioritize politeness and respect, even at the expense of their own expression.
“There is certainly a pressure we heard from young women around that—really translating into they need to be polite and respectful, and that they feel the behavior expectations on them were…” — Dr. Ola Demkowicz, senior lecturer in psychology of education at the Manchester Institute of Education
Alison Harbor, manager of the youth center, observed that the girls were just as vocal and confident as the boys. “The girls have been the same today,” she remarked, “but my worry is that they usually internalise a lot of their troubles…” The girls’ ability to articulate their experiences highlights their awareness of the gendered expectations they face, even as they navigate a world where they must constantly adjust their presence to fit societal norms.